For a very long time, I have stayed away from outing myself for someone who
loves to watch romantic movies and tv shows. But not only that… despite my teens
being over for quite some time, I am still enjoying movies and TV shows that are
geared towards this age group (Divergent and Sex Education are only two
Now, why is that? I ask myself that question a lot and after having binged the
new show Sex Education just yesterday night, I might have a new answer.
Healing Through Teenage Drama
In recent times I have experienced a lot of new information and learning around
healing myself while on this journey of self-growth. My experience as a man was
usually to push through, not like romantic drama, be grown up, and only taking
action is allowed. But not just that, there was no room for healing. I always
only looked into the future and built a vision for myself that I could work
Now I have a new understanding. One that tells me that looking backward is
equally as important as forward. And not just that! Giving my teenage self some
much-needed attention and love is something that can actually help my current
self in moving forward.
So in this particular case with Sex Education, I am looking at all the different
experiences these teens are going through. Some I envy, some I wouldn’t want to
trade places with, but overall there is so much that I have not experienced and
Now, being older, I take time to look backward. Embrace my 16 or 17-year-old
self and I give myself to be my own best friend. Give encouragement that wasn’t
given, give attention, love, and say yes!
I imagine what life would have looked like if it would have been perfect and I
grieve the experience that I actually had. The desperation, the loneliness, the
I Am Stronger for It
I don’t want to change my past. It’s what it is. But if I carry the weight of
that experience with me forever, I will never be fully in myself and happy. I
will always be missing something, trying to catch up, or having an experience
that I should have had when I was 14.
The truth is… I didn’t have that missing experience at 14. But trying to
replicate it when I am 30 something? That doesn’t sound like a good idea either
— sounds like a man that never learned to grow up.
So I take the time to go inwards. I watch the first episode of Sex Education
again. Imagine my-self in the characters. Imagine myself feeling the closeness,
the friends, the dynamics that are played out on the screen. Trying to embody
what I see to heal the wound that I have been living with for so long.
Photo by MR WONG