First - Let’s Get the Ball Rolling

I’ve been thinking about starting a blog and create more online for the better part of the past 10 years. Before that, I had my online writing. I was blogging while none of my friends even knew what that means. But it never took off. I stopped. And I never started again.

I have a couple ideas about why I was holding back, and that will most likely be a topic for another post. But in general, it’s about fear, shame, and guilt. It’s about the expectation of myself and also others. What quality I see online and what I expect of myself in return. And, of course, the big questions: What will others think? What comments will I get? Will anybody care?

But over the past few month, something became clear: I regret that I haven’t started years ago. I regret not having this output. And now is the time to turn that around. I don’t want to sit in front of my computer two years from now and, again, regret that I haven’t started. And the other aspects? I will write about those fears and self-doubt questions in individual posts.

So this is the beginning. The first post. The one I have been procrastinating away for far too long. The big step for myself but a small step in writing more. What follows will most likely be a journey of average excitement. But I get to share it. I have a place for my words, stories and thoughts. And you are a part of it. By reading, listening, and of course also getting in contact.

That said. Enjoy the ride and let’s have some fun.

First Draft - 2017-08-10

First Post
Discovering myself. Building thoughts. Exploring my mind.

Writing the first few words of a new blog is never easy. It’s the post that will always mark the beginning. But will it e forgotten? Will it go away? Or will it mark the beginning of something big?

I am not sure what this will become. I am creating something new. Something that I wanted to do for a long time but was held back. Or better said: I held myself back. I had (and still have) fears. Fears of judgement. Fears to be not good enough. But that’s exactly the reason why I have to create. I have to share.

I want to document my journey. I really regret, that I did not do so the past 10 years. That I do not still have the blog posts that I wrote when I was 10 years old. Those posts where life changing in their own way. They marked the beginning of me. A new me at the time. But now it’s basically me. But at the time it was an escape.

More than 10 years ago, the internet was an escape for me. It was an escape from life outside the internet. It was a place where I was able to learn new things. Where I was able to connect to new interesting people. To chat about topics that I found interesting (where friends and family didn’t really care). This way also mad eine a lone Wolfe. I cut myself out from many things. And now?

Now I still struggle to get back from where I started. Now I am in a eco system where there are things that are totally normal in the online world. But those things did not yet hit the areas where I have my real life friends. There is a disconnect. There are things that I can do and say online, for which I am criticized in the real world. But is that good?

Of course it’s not good. It’s something that makes no sense. For a certain time, the internet was a perfect place to hide myself. But at some point it all connects. I want it to connect. I don’t want to have these two personalities. I want to connect them. To bring them together on one table. This process takes time. I didn’t just start. But I am getting deeper into it every day.

For now this blog will be a reflection of these findings. Of the process. THe dirty work that I am going through. The stuff that I am processing. And the ideas that I am contemplating. The movies that shaped me and why. The books I read and loved. And the ideals I am thinking about every day. The stories I want to get out of my head and onto the digital paper.

I’ll document. I’ll share. And you can be a part of the journey. You can read what I have to write. You can connect via different means. You can share your thoughts.

I ask you to do two things:

  1. Be open minded and accepting for new thoughts and discussions.
  2. Don’t take everything I write for granted. I am on the discovery journey as well. I am exploring. And sometimes thoughts that are written one day are no longer accurate a week later. Maybe even a day later.

This process is one that I wanted to do years ago. I wish I would have done that. But instead of regretting that I didn’t (or worse: regret that I just regretted and still didn’t start). Instead: I will start now.

My plan is to write and publish two articles per week. Let’s see how this works out.